Conspiracy Theories are Spoiler Alerts: Edition ∞

More post-midterm bad news for Democrats, but at least it's POST-midterm bad news!

It’s amazing what comes out while we’re still counting the midterm ballots, isn’t it? In addition to the admitted heart-related side effects of the covid jabs AND the FTX/Money laundering scandal (more on that in a future piece!) that I discussed in a previous article, a federal court has also struck down Biden’s vote buying scheme student loan forgiveness program. This was completely expected and would have probably hurt Democrats with the young people who ‘saved’ them if it came out BEFORE the election, but — what luck!! — we only get the ruling after voting was (mostly) over.

This follows the familiar pattern of the Biden administration “passing” (more like writing) unconstitutional rules because it knows the courts will take a little time shooting down those rules. By the time the courts ‘remedy’ the situation, the administration has already achieved its short-term goal. We saw this with the CDC eviction moratorium, the federal vaccine mandates, and it sure looks like we saw something very similar with August’s Mar-a-Lago raid. (Wait totally NOT a raid!)

Rachel Maddow was on top of this story, and it was clear that TRUMP WAS HOLDING NUCLEAR SECRETS ON HIS COFFEE TABLE! Although to be fair to Maddow, she wasn’t the only presstitute dutifully parroting the approved narrative:

A GAMECHANGER! Surely THIS TIME the walls are closing in and Trump will be led away in handcuffs. (Never to run for president ever again!)

Yeah, about that…….now that the midterms have passed and the political damage is done, it’s time to carefully start dribbling the truth into the public record (so we can call this old news in a week and forget all about it):

Oh.

Well, at least we’re being bombarded by ‘mea culpa’ articles from a media that seems to keep getting the most important stories of the day completely wrong while railing about “misinformation”, right?

No? Huh.

Those “conspiracy theorists” who followed the political science were right yet again!

At this point I think maybe the conspiracy theorists are just taunting the crowd after running up the score for the last few years. Remember the conspiracy that was the ‘great replacement’? If not, here’s a couple reminders:

“Replacement theory is the idea that white populations, both in North America and in Europe, are being replaced by minority populations, largely through immigration.”

So it’s a race-based theory revolving around the ‘replacement’ of white Americans (aka, Republicans) with ‘minority’ immigrants. I have a minor quibble (that we’ll get to later!), but that seems like a reasonable enough place to start the discussion.

Now, I don’t really like to brag about it, but I have what I have determined to be an incredibly rare superpower, and it’s super handy in times like this when I’m trying to get to the bottom of a claim made by the media. (Or anybody else!) This superpower is called “remembering shit that happened in the past.”

I will attempt to bestow a piece of my superpower onto you by uttering these three magic words:

DEMOGRAPHICS IS DESTINY

Ring a bell? If not, Time has you covered:

The Stacy Abrams line is the chef’s kiss on this one

Why, that sounds like a race-based theory revolving around the ‘replacement’ of white Americans (aka, Republicans) with ‘minority’ immigrants!

That’s different cause….umm….

(Side note: “Demographics is destiny” also sounds EXACTLY like the left, assuming that one’s vote is determined by skin color or home country. Reality is much more complicated than Excel spreadsheets.)

I suppose MAYBE we can split hairs and say that those ‘white nationalists’ think that the Democrats plan to allow these ‘replacements’ to actually vote or something! OBVIOUSLY that would never happen, the Constitution is very clear on this matter, and disloyalty to the Constitution is dangerous to America!

Uhhh…….about that…….

I guess I don’t see how media can claim this is a ‘conspiracy theory’ when the people who are doing it are telling us that they are doing it. I’m weird that way. (Bonus: The New World Order — when telling us about the New World Order in a video titled “Are We Ready for a New World Order?” — recently got a helpful ‘context note’ telling us the New World Order is a conspiracy theory. Really.)

So I guess chalk up another victory (or two) for the ‘conspiracy theorists’, who (after spiking the football) should point out that allowing illegals to vote was always a pretty obvious play. They might even point out that they knew this was going to happen because immigrants aren’t being ‘imported’ by race, but by political viewpoint. That’s why the Biden administration has been getting Venezuelans out of dodge faster than Martha’s Vineyard.

What do you know? Following the political science allowed the ‘conspiracy theorists’ to know things before they happened! Must be luck.

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What’s the worst way you can possibly spend $2500? I humbly submit that you could buy a single ticket to The New York Times’ DealBook Summit. Who wouldn’t want to throw down a couple grand to see these people talk?

*not all speakers guaranteed to appear 🤣

The full lineup doesn’t get much more palatable. These might not be the OG Avengers, power-level wise, but we’ve got at least an Ant-Man or Scarlet Witch in there. Janet Yellen is Secretary of the Treasury (after chairing the Federal Reserve, imagine that). Former Vice-President Mike Pence is there. So is Vision-like Mark Zuckberg (of 2020 fortification fame). All planning on hobnobbing with the guy who just took off to the Bahamas after stealing billions of dollars. There’s a reason we don’t see serious stories about this issue in the media, (same as covid, Hunter, vax injuries, 1/6, and Ukraine) and that’s because the media knows what they would find if they dug. So they don’t dig.

(In the writing world, this teaser is called ‘foreshadowing’ for what’s to come!)

NOT what I meant!

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editor’s note

the human language is mystifying. instead of edition ∞, i should have used ∞ edition? do humans read this as ‘infinite’ or ‘infinity’? respond on the poll below, but do it honestly. a randomly selected ‘yes’ vote will receive an adorable picture of myself.