After 'Amazing' Week, White House Staffers Ready to 'Welcome' Biden Home
"All good things come to an end," one staffer lamented
Since last Friday, President Joe Biden has been at Camp David preparing for tomorrow’s presidential debate. And while the glare of media cameras is focused elsewhere, White House staffers confirm this has been their most productive week since the start of the administration.
“Everything’s just so relaxed, you know? Sure, President Biden is frequently away from the White House, but that’s typically a couple of days, tops.” stated Marcus Hill. “But this whole week there’s no worrying about catching a whiff of…….you know, the thing,” — here Hill makes a disgusted face — “that signals you’re about to be roped into a 10-minute conversation about ice cream — the same one you had yesterday. And the day before.”
12-year-old intern Becky Hayes agrees. “It’s like….you don’t even realize how terrified you are of those hands descending on your shoulders and the creepy sound of your hair getting sniffed until you don’t have to worry about it for a while. For once, I don’t live in abject terror of being forced to work here!”
Staffers we talked to were most excited about their levels of productivity with Biden away from the White House. “I’ve gotten like…3 weeks worth of work done since Friday,” claimed Bob Smith, Assistant to the Chief Assistant to the Vice Secretary of the White House Chief Floral Designer.
Hill piped up. “Dude, there’s no way you got 11 hours worth of work done since Joe left.”
“Oh, it’s possible,” says a wide-eyed Smith. “I’m doing so much work, it feels like I’m on cocaine or something.” He smiles and adds a sheepish grin — “I’m on cocaine. It’s like Christmas in June there’s so much snow in here.”
Unfortunately, with the Presidential Debate scheduled for tomorrow evening, the staffers are dealing with the sad reality of the President’s imminent return to the White House.
“It was great while it lasted, but I think we all knew the good times wouldn’t continue forever,” states Hill with a look of mourning.
Even with Biden’s return looming, Hayes remains optimistic. “Isn’t there another debate scheduled for September? What if we can get Biden to start ‘preparing’ next week?” The hopeful look in her eyes is a little sad to behold. “Imagine two whole months of freedom! I might even be able to cancel my therapy!”
Smith glances up from his mound of cocaine. “Well, we had a good run, but maybe it’s time to start cleaning up before ‘the adults’ get home. I’ll handle making this pile of coke disappear.” He enthusiastically sets out in his task — and for once, I believe this government worker will get the job done.
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Obviously, today’s big news revolves around the decision made in Murthy v. Missouri (originally filed as Missouri v. Biden). This has been well-covered by ‘Stackers already, so I’m just going to link a few relevant articles, in the order they arrived in my inbox:
Bill Rice Jr:
bad cat:
Matt Taibbi:
Also worth reading is this long Twitter thread from Tracy Beanz. The full 68-page ruling is found here — Alito’s dissent starts on page 35.
The only thing I really have to add is that when the chips are down, it’s not surprising that government sided with government.
THIS IS OPPORTUNITY.
Get the word out ASAP. I have fired off several emails and text to colleagues, friends and family.
Most didn't even know...but have a sense of how important this is.
It's so important that you have ZERO rights without 1A. They'll use the dilution of 1A to come after our other rights.
YOU ARE A SLAVE WITHOUT 1A.
It's that simple.
It's good to keep in mind that every judge is a government employee.